Money = Degree? Kinship? Everything??
It has been a really long time since I last wrote about my feelings... Today I'm feeling especially down cos I met up with a few of my poly friends (those whom i'll always remember for they ever picked me up when I was at my lowest pt in life) They are already in their 2nd week in Uni...I feel this surge of disgrace in my heart.... feeling so LOW deep inside me...Hearing them talk about their studies and stuff... I thought to myself helplessly..."how i wish i could pursue my degree just like them!" However I know it is not possible... "When will I be able to earn that 15K to pay for half of the cost of my degree?!" I feel so useless earning a pathetic sum of 800 over bucks per month doing temporary job now. How much will i be able to save...??!
MONEY is really a very sensitive issue. Eversince I started working, my mum calculates with me every single cent that she has paid for me for the things I bought... With the 800 bucks i earn per month, I have to pay for my meals,transport,bills, daily neccessities which can easily add up to say around 500bucks... I know she expects me to give her money as well....but when i give too little (e.g 100 bucks) she will be unhappy... How much would I be left with per month to save???? Not even to talk about buying new things. And just yesterday she came into my room just to tell me that I am to pay for my own insurance otherwise she will just cancel the insurance/probably she will continue to pay until the policy breakeven and she will withdraw back all the money...How REALISTIC can HUMAN get when It comes to money....?! At that instant, i felt so saddened and a gush of heartache just unknowingly came attacking me. Why cant she try to understand me like how she always try to accomodate my brother. Why is it that we can never communicate with each other..I really Wonder where does the problem lies...sigh..
I'm seriously feeling very very helpless...as much as I wish I can get my degree soon...but yet I'm totally lost in the mediterrean ocean. There are many things that I want to accomplish...
like getting a driving license. But money comes into the picture once again...Another sum of money that I have to fork out on my own unlike my brother who got it paid by my mum... I guess the most beneficial achievement I made during my poly days after a series of incidents that had happened...Is that I have learnt to be a much more independent person and I have become "stronger". I wish that I can be financially independent very soon too with lesser struggles to make ends meet... Now I'm constantly reminding myself "I own my Life...I have to make my own achievements and I want to make it possible to live the way I want my Life to be... "
MONEY is really a very sensitive issue. Eversince I started working, my mum calculates with me every single cent that she has paid for me for the things I bought... With the 800 bucks i earn per month, I have to pay for my meals,transport,bills, daily neccessities which can easily add up to say around 500bucks... I know she expects me to give her money as well....but when i give too little (e.g 100 bucks) she will be unhappy... How much would I be left with per month to save???? Not even to talk about buying new things. And just yesterday she came into my room just to tell me that I am to pay for my own insurance otherwise she will just cancel the insurance/probably she will continue to pay until the policy breakeven and she will withdraw back all the money...How REALISTIC can HUMAN get when It comes to money....?! At that instant, i felt so saddened and a gush of heartache just unknowingly came attacking me. Why cant she try to understand me like how she always try to accomodate my brother. Why is it that we can never communicate with each other..I really Wonder where does the problem lies...sigh..
I'm seriously feeling very very helpless...as much as I wish I can get my degree soon...but yet I'm totally lost in the mediterrean ocean. There are many things that I want to accomplish...
like getting a driving license. But money comes into the picture once again...Another sum of money that I have to fork out on my own unlike my brother who got it paid by my mum... I guess the most beneficial achievement I made during my poly days after a series of incidents that had happened...Is that I have learnt to be a much more independent person and I have become "stronger". I wish that I can be financially independent very soon too with lesser struggles to make ends meet... Now I'm constantly reminding myself "I own my Life...I have to make my own achievements and I want to make it possible to live the way I want my Life to be... "
posted by yoshi at 11:29 PM
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