_drunKards speAk the truth_

(22-01-05)
Im filled with guilt...
i really never meant to hurt him
i never knew he was this serious...
til last night....

RuiJ a name i prefer to call...
a cute looking guy who is also my classmate's ex bf.
We know of each others presence in the school,
but officially got to know each other and went out on(26 Dec 04).
I have to admit that he has been very nice to me all these while...
He never fails to give in to me everytime... I throw my tantrums...or say things that hurt. I know it does... but he has never get pissed off or show any anger on me... sometimes i just like to make pple angry...but he just appeared to be fine with everything...

I haven't been really take him seriously... cos my impression of him since long time ago is a playboy... no idea why either, could be the way he portray himself... So, i didnt put in much of feelings... to me im juz playing along... didnt think much of the other party. All these while, he has been giving most of the time... Giving love, care and concern... He has been telling me that he was serious; cos i tend to joke around saying that he is into flings and stuff... though i somehow know he is trying very hard to make me believe him... I know he meant it, cos i can feel it... but i just took it like as if it as a joke from him...

Sometimes i really wonder if there is some problem with me...he is so nice to me but yet sometimes i can be so cold and mean to him.... I thought he could takit...cos he seems to be strong, with his cool looking face...I thought I was right. Until he called me when he was drunk... I certainly hope it isn't something to gain my attention. But whatever the case is, everything he said when he was "drunk" made me feel so very bad about my attitude towards him in the past... i never knew that my words would have such an impact on him...
until.... drunkards speak the truth.

_a silent thought_

" Love is like a splinter that works inside u... It pricks, it hurts. It maKes You feel like you'll never wana love again. The pain so soundless, so unbearable..."

Love beYond explAnation....

you came into my life...
took my heart rip it apart...
left me alone to cry...
u hold me in your arms and say once again you love me....
u said your love was true...
u said you loved me wholeheartedly...
and then u walked away....
tell me that you love me...
tell me that you need me...
cos Ill never leave u and i will stay here with you....
my love for you is more than i can think...
Im just so in love with you....
after days and months that you have gone
we have both moved on...
we met many one the way..
had trials and love along the way...
but forever u will stay
a part of u just stays in me...
forever it will be....

our love may be short...our memories may be few...
but there is this little splinter working inside me that keeps me going on....
ive loved u and ive hated u...
and now i am still missing u...
love and hate is just less than a step away....
but i love you as much as i hate....
and i guess thats call love....
there is no reasons why i love u...
something i cant explain...
the shortest memories i had...
but yet forever imprinted in my heart....
you left and irremovable mark right in the centre of my heart...
an unforgettable mark...
and an eternal memory...

I wonder if i still love you after so long....
i really dont know...
as much as i wish i dont...
but the truth is in my heart.....

I ponder if u feel the same....
i wonder if you have completely moved on...
I wish i could say i have....
I wish i could say it out loud...
but my heart wrenches whenever i attempt....
cos the fact is cruel...
Im just so in love with you


_29 Feb 04_
_07 Mar 04_
_12 Mar 04_
_13 Mar 04_pool
_15 Mar 04_




_To someone whom i thought Ive never loved you but only to realise that Ive loved u the most N so much more than I thought I could give_
_Ive given you my fullest at the end though i know U dont_